DVD Review - Snakes on a Plane

"Snakes on a Plane" is kind of a combination disaster/horror movie. The disaster movie part is people in peril on a plane; the horror movie part is people being killed by something or someone with no help in sight. "Snakes on a Plane" is like "Anaconda" without the escape route. I must warn you will need to suspend a lot of disbelief to watch this movie.

The movie opens with the main character, Sean (Nathan Phillips), witnessing a murder. He draws attention to himself but gets away before the bad guys can get a good look at him. That's okay. The little litter bug left behind a piece of evidence that led the bad guys right to his front door. In fact, the bad guys are breaking into his apartment just in time for the evening news, which is reporting on their earlier handiwork.

Enter FBI agent, Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson). He knows where the witness lives, too. Don't ask how. You're suspending disbelief, remember? Anyway, Agent Flynn saves Sean from the bad guys and clues him in to just how bad Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson), a ruthless organized crime lord, and his minions really are.

Now, we come to the plane ride that will take Sean from Hawaii - of which we sadly see precious little - to Los Angeles, Kim's base of operations, to testify. Naturally, Kim has other plans. As the passengers wait to board the plane, we're introduced to a prima donna rapper (Flex Alexander) with issues, a newlywed couple (Tygh Runyan and Emily Holmes), a pampered princess (Rachel Blanchard) and her dog (it looks like a Chihuahua), and two boys (Casey Dubois and Daniel Hogarth), traveling as unaccompanied minors. These two are left in the capable hands of Claire (Julianna Margulies), a stewardess and recent law school graduate who's on her last flight before becoming a "legal eagle."

We're introduced to more passengers and crew members as the passengers board the plane. Claire (Margulies) and Tiffany (Sunny Mabrey) inform the boarding passengers that the seats in first class have been commandeered by the FBI and, of course, one of the passengers - an obnoxious English businessman (Gerard Plunkett) - complains loudly. Let's just say he's the resident anal orifice. Every movie like this has at least one character that everybody loves to hate.
The tension builds slowly as the snakes that were smuggled in by the bad guys begin to make their way through the plane. The first unlucky victims are a young couple (Taylor Kitsch and Samantha McLeod) who decide to join the "Mile High Club" in one of the restrooms. This scene, for me, is reminiscent of all those "Friday the 13th."

This movie is bad. It's chock full of stereotypes but only one really offended me: rapper Three Gs' best friend/bodyguard, Troy (Keenan Thompson). His behavior in the cockpit made me want to cover my head, even though I was watching this movie alone in my own home. Up until that point, I liked Troy because he served as a much needed reality check and voice of reason for his neurotic rapper friend.

"Snakes on a Plane," which is rated R, because of brief nudity, language, and violence, would go on my list of guilty pleasure movies. I really did find it entertaining; however, Samuel L. Jackson and Julianna Margulies had such an obvious lack of chemistry that it made me wonder why the final scene between them wasn't rewritten or deleted altogether.

Despite poor story line, poor acting -- by some, not all -- the shameless stereotypes and the total lack of chemistry between two of the main characters, "Snakes on a Plane" is worth watching if you want some humor. I give it a rating of ** because it was a little funny ... and a little nostalgic for someone who grew up watching those '70s Airplane disaster movies.

DVD Review - Blood and Chocolate

"Blood and Chocolate" is a movie about werewolves that didn't do very well at the box office. It's clearly a low budget film with minimal special effects and no real big name stars. Although three of the main characters, Vivian, Aiden, and Gabriel, are played by actors with loads of big screen experience between them, none of them is really well known enough to draw in the kind of crowds that would have made it more of a success.

I wanted to see this movie for two reasons -- one, because it's about werewolves and two, because Olivier Martinez is in it. I've always been fascinated by movies about werewolves and vampires. They lead such dichotomous lives, and I find that interesting. My fascination with Olivier Martinez is obvious.

In "Blood and Chocolate," the werewolves or -- loup-garous as they call themselves -- are legendary creatures who "only hunt [men] to survive." In one scene -- designed to make the idea of having werewolves in the neighborhood more appealing -- Gabriel (Olivier Martinez), the leader of the pack and the only one who seems to be rich, has a conversation with a drug dealer who is later brought before the pack. You can guess what happens next. But this movie is about a young girl named Vivian (Agnes Bruckner) whom Gabriel has chosen to take for his own. According to "Gabriel's Law," it is customary for him to take a new wife every seven years. The trouble is, Vivian has her heart set on Aiden (Hugh Dancy), a young graphic novelist with a troubled past.

As in all movies of this type, there's a rebel in the pack. His name is Rafe (Bryan Dick). Rafe has a mini-pack that he travels with, terrorizing young female tourists or following Vivian around and, generally, making her life unpleasant. Rafe, Gabriel's son and heir apparent, scorns the laws of the pack, especially the one regarding the hunting of humans.

The tension between Rafe and Vivian, stems from Vivian's reluctance to embrace being a loup-garous. Furthermore, she has absolutely no interest in being Gabriel's latest seven-year-itch remedy. Perhaps that's why he chose seven years instead of ten or twenty. This very question is put to him by one of his former wives, Astrid (Katja Riemann), who he still visits for the occasional booty-call. Gabriel has the audacity to tell her, "we all grow old, and we need to learn how to do it gracefully." This from a forty-year-old man-wolf, who looks like a forty-year-old man-wolf, who is pursuing a nineteen-year-old girl who detests the idea of being his next "bride."

To make matters worse, Aiden manages to end up in the same predicament as the drug dealer. It's up to Vivian to save him ... if she can.

There are no surprises in this movie. The title "Blood and Chocolate" comes from something Astrid says to Vivian before a hunt. The only special effects are when the werewolves' eyes change color and when they transform from human to wolf. Don't expect to see the kind of transformations offered by such films as "American Werewolf in London" or "Underworld." The humans instantly become wolves as they leap into the air. All they have to do is think about becoming a wolf and it happens.

I've seen worse movies -- "Fair Game," "Most Wanted" -- that did better at the box office because of who starred in them. That's a shame because it wasn't a bad movie. It was pat and formulaic, but entertaining nonetheless. The Romanian location where the film was shot has some of the most beautiful architecture known to man. Another thing I liked was the use of free running -- a derivative of parkour -- as Rafe et al's method of getting around town. Vivian uses it, too. In one scene, she uses it quite effectively to elude Aiden.
"Blood and Chocolate" is not a must-see movie. It's rated PG-13 for violence/terror, some sexuality and substance abuse. There was refreshingly little swearing and no real gore. I give it a rating of *** because it's a nice, undemanding story with some good cinematography and halfway decent acting.

Double Mastectomy

I went to my doctor's office at the end of February fully expecting to hear nothing but good news. Silly me. I received terrible news. I have to have a double mastectomy.

Although removing my breasts doesn't guarantee that I won't ever get a new strain of breast cancer, it does provide the cancer with less real estate to devour. The other bad news is that the original strain of cancer that I had could come back ... anywhere else in my body that it chooses. My ovarian cancer could also recur, though only in the area where it originated. Lovely!

I haven't lost my spirits, though. According to my last CAT scan, I have no discernible cancer cells running rampant in my body right now. I consider that a plus.

I haven't scheduled the operation, yet. My doctor says that there's a possibility that I could get my breasts reconstructed, despite being on Medicaid. If I could, that would take a huge weight off my shoulders. I know there are some women who proudly go around breastless. I just don't think I could be one of them. If don't have to, then I don't want to be one of them.