Thursday, May 19, 2011

You Can Have Love Without Marriage

Not everyone can be as lucky as Catherine Middleton and find herself walking down the aisle toward an actual prince. But if she chooses wisely, any woman can find herself walking down the aisle toward one prince of a guy … or not.

The first thing women need to do, if they want to increase their chances of finding their soul mates, is stop listening to friends and family members who tell them that they have to get married by a certain age or after they’ve been with their significant others for a certain amount of time. The word spinster can be stricken from the English language. The condition no longer exists. A woman doesn’t have to get married to sustain a loving, committed, monogamous, lasting relationship. Just ask Oprah Winfrey. It helps if a man and woman are in agreement. That doesn’t mean that you have to show your old fashioned, pro marriage man to the door with a polite, “Thanks, but no thanks.” If you love him, weigh the pros and cons of getting married along with the pros and cons of life without him.

The pros of marriage are no different from the pros of cohabiting, except at tax time. The government offers tax breaks to married couples that make the idea of meeting each other at the altar a little more appealing. But tax breaks should be an added incentive to do what you’re already inclined to do, not a catalyst to do what you might otherwise avoid like the plague.

When you get married, you’re not just pledging your troth; you’re also signing a contract. You sign your name to a legally binding agreement that most people don’t get out of unscathed. If you know that marriage is not for you, try to find out early on if your significant other feels the same way. Early on doesn’t mean the first or second date. If the relationship lasts at least six months and you feel like you're falling in love, then – if you just have to know – you could try broaching the subject. Now, unless you want to see your significant other disappear in a puff of smoke right before your eyes, do not take the direct approach. Subtlety rules here.

Try taking him to see a romantic comedy. These types of movies often end with a wedding or marriage proposal. Some have weddings as their central themes. Avoid these. Once the movie is over, don't baldly ask him if he wants to get married someday. You could find yourself staring at skid marks and nothing else. Try talking about the movie in general. What were your favorite parts? Did you like the ending or do you think those kinds of endings are cliché?

Tread carefully. Six months isn’t a very long time to be with someone. Despite what movies would lead you to believe, most whirlwind romances that lead to marriage also often lead to divorce. Wait another six months. If you’re still together and you’re still hopefully in love, maybe you could consider bringing the subject up then. But you don’t have to.
Sometimes, it’s better to leave well enough alone. As long as you and your man are happy, let that be enough. Who knows? You could end up like Oprah and Stedman, living, loving and growing old together … no rings attached.

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